A Band of Orcs

This transmidmensional interview/review/piece of narrative fiction comes to us courtesy of THE RIPPLE EFFECT, we hope you enjoy PENFOLD's narrative style.

A Band of Orcs Warchiefs of the Apocalypse

Curse my foolishness!  One moment I am perfectly safe loitering at midday in a public square.  The next moment, I once again let my weak resolve regarding a beautiful member of the opposite sex lead me to rash action.  A thoroughly enchanting temptress caught my eye and beckoned me to follow her into an alleyway.  Any common sense abandoned me in a rush of elation, and I quickly jogged toward the periphery of the square.  The object of my chase disappeared around the corner of the building forming the right hand side of the alley.  Unfortunately when I myself hurriedly rounded the corner, instead of being face to face with the aforementioned lady I blindly ran into (or through as the case may be) a shimmering black energy field the size of a large door.

Now I find myself in a strange twilight lit cityscape that somewhat resembles the modern times of which I’m familiar, but with several important differences.  For one I look up to the sky to behold two different moons, one that is full and another showing only a waning crescent.  I drop my gaze to rooftop level and perceive illuminating lamps that are neither electrical, with no wiring or bulb in evidence, nor gas powered, as there is not a standard flame providing light.  I can only surmise that the white light emanating from inside the glass enclosures must be alchemical in nature.  As my gaze falls still further I finally observe the people surrounding me.

The astounding assortment that greets my eyes would have easily stunned me to silence if I had been in the middle of speaking.  Fortunately I was able to keep my mouth from hanging open.  While there were humans of entirely normal proportions there were also tall pointy eared Elves, squat formidably built Dwarves, as well as diminutive hairy Halflings.  To my further amazement there was even what appeared to be a small animatronic tree selling wares at a kiosk to passersby!  If I had not been a fan of fantasy fiction I believe I would be overwhelmed to the point of incomprehension.  As it was, I barely had enough sense to recognize the small mob of young humanoid beings rushing towards me with blazing torches held high.

“The Orcs are coming!  The Orcs are coming!  Come on stranger, join us.”
“Are we in danger?” I hesitantly asked the ringleader.
“Yeah we’re in danger.  We’re in serious danger of not being right in front of A Band of Orcs when they appear!”
“Hold on.  You actually want to be on the front lines when fighting erupts with some orcs?”  I tried not to sound incredulous, but I’m sure I failed miserably.
“Fighting?  What are you talking about?  A Band of Orcs is a band, and they’re playing at the amphitheater in the middle of town.”
“So they’re not actually Orcs?”
“Of course they’re Orcs!  Jeez, where have you been stranger?  Look, do you like heavy metal music?”
“I love heavy metal!”  That was one of the only things I was sure of at this point.
“Good, then take this torch and follow me.”  He handed me his torch and turned to address the others in the mob.  “Let’s go everybody!”

Together we ran several blocks to the amphitheater, extinguished our torches at the entrance, and made our way collectively to the front of the venue just as the band was taking the stage.  A Band of Orcs, not surprisingly, plays death metal.  It seems obvious that Orcs would play a brand of music as off-putting and humorless as their race’s visage.  What is somewhat surprising however is that these five Orcs appear to have shunned their historical predilections towards immediate bloody gratification in favor of practicing their craft.  Therefore no matter what kind of axe these Orcs use, their chops are guaranteed to slay their targets.

Make no mistake dear reader.  The music unleashed by this band is aimed squarely at making the listener either submit or be trampled underfoot by the onrushing horde.  This is meat and potatoes death metal made by infantrymen for the pleasure of other front line blood letters.  Granted you won’t find any real progressive elements within these six songs, but that is more than all right.  I’ve learned that Orcs don’t put on airs well, and if they try whoever is unfortunate enough to be with them inevitably gets hurt…badly.

The band’s EP, entitled Warchiefs of the Apocalypse, was played straight through in it’s entirety during the concert. "I, Gogog" started things off with a bang bumping the energy level from one to a hundred in short order.  The next two songs, "Warchiefs of the Apocalypse" and "Bring Out Your Dead", continue the onslaught of rapid fire riffs, manic double bass drumming, and demented guttural growls.  Things change up a little bit with the cover of Celtic Frost’s"Procreation (of the Wicked)," a song with a slower tempo anchored around a monstrous guitar part.  "Disassembly Line", an instrumental, follows next and toys with the listener by evolving from an ultra fast start to a short, slow melodic passage one minute and forty five seconds in before jumping once again through a warp gate for the remainder of the song.  The finale to the EP is the epic "Into the Maelstrom", the strongest track on offer, and a fitting finale to the live performance.

After the concert had triumphantly concluded, my newfound friends and I were slapping each other on the back and across the shoulders with heartfelt joy over the whole experience.  While this was going on I glanced at the side of the stage and lo and behold, the very same temptress that brought me to this land was again staring at me.  She signaled that I should come hither, and in my pseudo-intoxicated state brought on by the great music I walked over without hesitation.  When I drew near not a word was exchanged.  She leaned towards me and kissed me on the cheek.

I opened my eyes and found myself back in the public square where this whole escapade began.  Seemingly no time had elapsed.  The people with distinctive characteristics I could remember observing earlier were exactly where I last remembered seeing them.  Surely I did not hallucinate everything?!?  No…I looked down at my feet and saw a CD lying on the ground.  Picking the jewel case up revealed it to be A Band of Orcs Warchiefs of the Apocalypse EP and I could see my reflection in the mirror like surface.  There was lipstick on my cheek.

--Penfold