Oog, Cretos, Hulg, Gronk!, and Gogog are a band of Orcs from Hirntodia, a dimension that quickly grew too small to contain them. They came to the Earth realm through a game of Dungeons & Dragons played by a group of Human children, who are now dead. The Game Master's older brother, Jed, saved his own life by offering to teach the Orcs to play guitar. SLAYER's "Reign in Blood" play in the background of Jed's room and eased the rage of the beasts, they found that Metal was something suitable for A BAND OF ORCS to master and use as a method of recruitment to Dominate Earth.
So it began.
Gogog Bloodthroat, a name synonymous with vocal savagery, hails from the mighty Gore-Stained Axe Tribe. A slaughterer of over 1000 worthy and unworthy foes, he fought his greatest battle against his own father Morbhud Blood-Axe to become Chieftain of the tribe. At one of many epic battles in which he fought, Gogog became consumed by the berserker rage and destroyed many elven princes. However, he took an arrow to the neck, but consumed by the battle madness, he did not feel the pain and fought on. This wound inevitably gifted him with the voice that shot him to trans-dimensional death metal god status. In addition to chaos on the battlefield and metal stage, Gogog enjoys pillaging villages, watching the slaves dance, and participating in most forms of oRc Barbarisms.
Gronk!, whose name translates to 'the-rumbling-sound-of-earth-quake-that-preceeds-the-volcano-eruption' in your miserable human language, serves as the band's shamanic ancestor spirit medium. On Mondays, he believes he channels Steve Harris; on Tuesdays it's Geezer Butler, on Wednesdays Cliff Burton and on Thursdays the will of Great Gzoroth, the Chaos Dragon, who foretells of the coming Domination. The rest of the time he channels himself. Gronk! plays bass guitar only with genuine, hand-crafted, dwarf-gut strings, because he believes anything else unsuitable to his brutal calling. The shaman uses his spiritual powers to level-up the band before battles and shows. He was once asked by the Grimp to re-animate Hulg, but the spell went horribly wrong and the zombie exploded. It took quite some time to reverse that critical failure. When not propitiating ancestor spirits, summoning things from Beyond (be it purposely or accidentally), or preaching the Domination, Gronk! likes to drop stuff from high places and watch it splat against the ground. In battle he wields a headsmans axe, a magic staff, and tricksy spirit spells.
Oog likes to bang stuff, so he plays drums. Or hits unicorns over the head with boulders. Back in Hirntodia many regard Oog as, perhaps, the best unicorn poacher in the realm, for nothing makes for better drum heads than freshly cured unicorn hide. He has organized and led many expeditions into the wilds to procure the most prized skins. On one such anti-heroic hunt, a unicorn reared up and kicked him in the teeth, nearly breaking his jaw. That one now lies stretched across his bass drum eternally suffering the double bass and blast beat beatings that Oog administers as the back bone of the metal onslaught of A Band of Orcs. Naturally Oog prefers to wield a club in battle. In addition to drums and unicorn hunting, Oog quite enjoys that whack-a-mole game found at carnivals and cheap pizza parlors for kids. Jed has helped curb Oog's aggression with the halfling whacky-tabacky, which suits the Grimp's plans just fine, as he needs A Band of Orcs to be able to play shows among humans, without literally slaying their audiences.
Cretos Filthgrinder embodies the art of epic battle music at its most brutal zenith. Skalds tell tales of his prowess with the oRcish scimitar on the battlefied and in the gladitorial arena. Legend has it that with steady hand and grim grin the mighty Filthgrinder battled his way into the Gore-Stained Axe Tribe by decapitating three of the clan's burliest captains, thereby earning the Chieftain's praise and respect. Oddly, Great Gzoroth, the Dragon of Chaos, has seen fit to gift Filthgrinder with a strange fascination with and talent for the electric guitar. His hell-wrought gnosis of demonic modes and scales have resulted in the bone-crushing metal anthmes heard on the debut EP, WarChiefs of the Apocalypse.
Hulg is dead. Or, rather, undead. He's our resident zombie oRc; his obituary reads: "Hulg ElfR.I.P.per was fatally electrocuted last night, when in a fit of rage resulting from an argument with Filthgrinder over the band's sound and direction, oh, okay, tuning—they were trying to settle whether they should play in standard B or C Flat. Hulg took his battleaxe to Filthgrinder's amplifier. Manager Gruesom Grimp had this to say about the incident, 'F*ck, do you have any idea how impossible it is to find oRcs that play guitar?'" Grimp has since put out a call to find high-level Necromancers to animate Hulg's corpse before concerts, as the zombie oRc has a tendency to drop dead before gigs. The Grimp has had it with cut-rate hacks, because, after one such wanker collected his cash and vanished, Hulg's arm fell off during the recording the "WarChiefs" EP, causing Filth to pull double guitar duty. Hulg doesn't enjoy much since he died except the occasional dish of brains, served warm.
