The Problem with oRcs and Photography
The Problem with oRcs and Photography
by Helen the Hellion
We haven't yet found a way to calm the Orcs down about photography. We've drawn diagrams, and explained things logically, magically, and irrationally, and still the Orcs are convinced that flash photography means a wizard is blasting them with lightning bolts. We're down four photographers already, smashed at the point of image-capture into what looks like cyborg experiments gone horribly wrong. This last one had bits of camera sticking out of him like the most elaborate shrapnel-art. The first and second ones looked like Jackson Pollack paintings, and I've never much cared for Pollack.
So yeah, all-around disastrous.
The Grimp's initial solution was the painting you've all seen, and Lukacs the Mighty is still pretty heroic in my eyes. But the Grimp feels no Human is going to believe in Orcs until they have photographic evidence.
Personally, think he's been reading far too much about Roswell. Gogog stumbled across Grays first, and insisted he recognized one of them. But Gogog has a short attention span, so he forgot about aliens the minute something shiny rolled by. The Grimp, however, has a more tenacious mind. He actually even asked me if humans are inclined to believe autopsies; I believe his plan was to dissect Hulg while he was dead and in no position to argue. I told him autopsies are always great, but a bit faddish. It's important to distract him from guts whenever possible.
Far too impatient for Pavlovian methods, he then hit on the plan of getting as many white-magic elves as possible to "convince" the Orcs that flashing lights are harmless.
I'm pretty sure any elf worth its salt would spend his/her time devising spells to make the orcs believe they're cowardly kittens, rather than just convincing them to sit still while flashing lights happen. I mean seriously, if someone abducted you to stop strobe-light epilepsy, could you resist the urge to plant some other hypnotic suggestions?
So the upshot of all this: there is now one pissed-off Elf in Cage # 3, just plotting some kind of devious and far-ranging revenge. I think the best we can hope for is that she contracts some Stockholm syndrome –or is it Wachen syndrome?—before she really gets to work on the orcs.
Actually, I can't wait for this to happen, because Orcs really will blow your mind once you see 'em. You won't even need to see their guts to know that something seriously awesome is in the interdimension.
by Helen the Hellion
We haven't yet found a way to calm the Orcs down about photography. We've drawn diagrams, and explained things logically, magically, and irrationally, and still the Orcs are convinced that flash photography means a wizard is blasting them with lightning bolts. We're down four photographers already, smashed at the point of image-capture into what looks like cyborg experiments gone horribly wrong. This last one had bits of camera sticking out of him like the most elaborate shrapnel-art. The first and second ones looked like Jackson Pollack paintings, and I've never much cared for Pollack.
So yeah, all-around disastrous.
The Grimp's initial solution was the painting you've all seen, and Lukacs the Mighty is still pretty heroic in my eyes. But the Grimp feels no Human is going to believe in Orcs until they have photographic evidence.
Personally, think he's been reading far too much about Roswell. Gogog stumbled across Grays first, and insisted he recognized one of them. But Gogog has a short attention span, so he forgot about aliens the minute something shiny rolled by. The Grimp, however, has a more tenacious mind. He actually even asked me if humans are inclined to believe autopsies; I believe his plan was to dissect Hulg while he was dead and in no position to argue. I told him autopsies are always great, but a bit faddish. It's important to distract him from guts whenever possible.
Far too impatient for Pavlovian methods, he then hit on the plan of getting as many white-magic elves as possible to "convince" the Orcs that flashing lights are harmless.
I'm pretty sure any elf worth its salt would spend his/her time devising spells to make the orcs believe they're cowardly kittens, rather than just convincing them to sit still while flashing lights happen. I mean seriously, if someone abducted you to stop strobe-light epilepsy, could you resist the urge to plant some other hypnotic suggestions?
So the upshot of all this: there is now one pissed-off Elf in Cage # 3, just plotting some kind of devious and far-ranging revenge. I think the best we can hope for is that she contracts some Stockholm syndrome –or is it Wachen syndrome?—before she really gets to work on the orcs.
Actually, I can't wait for this to happen, because Orcs really will blow your mind once you see 'em. You won't even need to see their guts to know that something seriously awesome is in the interdimension.
Unfortunately, the only way to get the Orc to stand still long enough to take the proper photo, is you have to entice or bribe with either an Elf or Faery woman, as well as a good drink of Orcish grog. If that fails, you can try a good legbone of some mid sized creature, but I don't think you want pictures of Orcs eating, as we all know what that looks like anyway, and, speaking from experience, I'd rather have the Elven or Faery hottie and the grog.
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