Hulg Re:Animated

by Helen the Hellion
A Metal Transmission from oRc ToweR

"It's alive!

"It's A-Liiiive!"

I've been yelling this a lot lately.  Twelve times in the last two days, in fact.  See, the Grimp finally decided that having Hulg die every few minutes was cramping the Band's overall style.  Death is great for interludes and dramatic pauses, but as a random occurrence it's more of an irritation than an inspiration.

So Grimp found a whole range of necromancers, and set me and Jed up in cages to watch the proceedings.

It appears we're here representing the forces of evil:  Grimp threatened to feed the failing necromancers to us.
"If you fail," he's been growling over and over, "I will feed you to… The Humans!"

And they all cringe beneath their diadems of teeth and crackling magic spells, staring at us with horror and dread.  One even wept with fear when he failed and Gogog dragged him towards us.  Jed smiled and offered the necromancer the bong, and that necromancer crumpled into a whimpering pile under his Black Cloak of Undeath.
Such is the power of the faux-kindness of True Evil.

I love it.  I've been gnashing my teeth and clawing at the air, feeling like a friggin' fool and yet, I find myself really wanting to eat these guys when Hulg keels over yet again.  I do stupid dances and they get distracted and they fail.  I think one may have wet himself when I did the Macarena.

Yelling "It's ALIVE!" is my new mantra; unlike Doctor Frankenstein, I'm having the time to practice, and it's always apropos.  I'm afraid the yelling is confusing Hulg, though, because from his point of view, every few minutes he hears this stupid shout, then he looks into a necromancer's hopeful eyes, and then he strums a few bars and dies again.  Twelve times in the past… well, it must seem like three hours to him.

We don't actually eat any necromancers, I'm sorry to say.  As they're dragged towards our cages, and I'm doing the cabbage patch like mad, they fall through a really obvious trap door.  The dragon Gzoroth is underneath, but as you recall, he's sleeping.  So really, the whole thing is like some bizarre Disney Land ride:  they scare you half to death, you fall through a door, there's a sleeping dragon that may as well be animatronic, and then Oog with a Chihuahua on a leash leads you back to the wyrmhole.

This last Necromancer has done a pretty good job, though.  Hulg has asked for pizza, been denied, scratched his head, and even learned a  new song since this one reanimated him.

Hey, if this sticks, and there's a chance it even made Hulg smarter, this Band is going to be set to play live in no time!