There was fire and blood and lies, all lies.
    I expect by now the Grimp has told you all some doom and gloom story about how we the slaves all uprose nor spake nor moved our eyes (extra credit to whoever gets that quote!), and how it took dread measures to suppress us.  The Grimp, allow me to remind you, is just a touch prone to exaggeration.  Just a little little bit.  Just enough to turn a bunch of summoned ethereal wraiths and a few dozen mirages into a full-scale slave rebellion.  Did he tell you about the other Orcish ...

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They named me Minion 13. I really don’t have any memory of how I got here or who I am for that matter. I remember waking up on the ground with a circle of monsters looking down at me and laughing. They were dressed in bloodstained armor from head to toe and their faces looked like something from a nightmare.  As one of the monsters, a fierce looking thing with war paint crudely smeared across his face, reached down towards me, I started to slip from consciousness once again. As my vision darkened, I heard one whisper a word that ...

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I've just opened up a Snocap music store for the oRcs. You can help A Band of Orcs spread the word about the coming Domination, by embedding this store and player in your own webpage or social networking profile!

Hey Inchoates,

Here's the latest Skull Counts, a round up of tnews and rumors from oRc ToweR for January 2008.

Confirmed! A Band of Orcs Co-Sponsor the Total Confusion Game Convention, February 21 -21, 2008

The Contest entries are in and we'll be summoning the Dead Gamers' Club to run your submissions to determine which lucky geek wins Free Passes and oRc Merchandise in February.  Also, if you plan on attending, you'll have a chance to win the "WarChiefs of the Apocalypse" CD as a prize and pick up a free "We're Not Misunderstood, We're Evil" bumper sticker.  You can check ...<< MORE >>

The Problem with oRcs and Photography

by Helen the Hellion

We haven't yet found a way to calm the Orcs down about photography. 
We've drawn diagrams, and explained things logically,  magically, and
irrationally, and still the Orcs are convinced that flash photography means a wizard is blasting them with lightning bolts.  We're down four
photographers already, smashed at the point of image-capture into what
looks like cyborg experiments gone horribly wrong.  This last one had
bits of camera sticking out of him like the most elaborate
shrapnel-art.  The first and second ones looked like Jackson Pollack
paintings, and I've never much cared for Pollack. 

So ...<< MORE >>

Hulg Re:Animated

by Helen the Hellion
A Metal Transmission from oRc ToweR

"It's alive!

"It's A-Liiiive!"

I've been yelling this a
lot lately.  Twelve times in the last two days, in fact.  See, the
Grimp finally decided that having Hulg die every few minutes was
cramping the Band's overall style.  Death is great for interludes and
dramatic pauses, but as a random occurrence it's more of an irritation
than an inspiration.

So Grimp found a whole range of necromancers, and set me and Jed up in cages to watch the proceedings.

It appears we're here representing the forces of evil:  Grimp threatened to feed the failing necromancers ...<< MORE >>

Artist Lukacs the Illustrious featured in new Magic the Gathering cards from Wizards of the Coast

The Chronicler of the oRcs' chaos, and the only human that has managed to capture something of the likenesses of A Band of Orcs is one of the artist featured in the latest incarnation of Magic the Gathering Card Game, the Lorwyn set.  Check out Chuck's pageand the new MtG cards from Wizards of the Coast.

It's thanks to Lukacs that many more photographers have not died when trying to shoot photos of the oRcs.  Heheheh, they think the cameramen are attacking them with lightning bolts.  Silly oRcs!

Did I mention that Metal God Bruce Dickinson Rocked the oRcs on his BBC radio Show?

I probably did, but it's big news to the oRcs since the equate the fact that Iron Maiden's Invaders was playing during their seminal raid on guitar mart as divine providence.  On the November 23rd Show, Bruce played "Bring out Your Dead" and read each of the band members names and instruments.  He mispronounced my name, Gimp, certainly so he could make a Pulp Fiction joke, and indicated that because of me A Band of Orcs can't be trusted.  But, hells, you don't need me for that; they're friggin' oRcs.

Anyway, the oRcs are now considering doing an Iron Maiden cover.  Have any suggestions which song they should do?  Emailthem to me.


Win Free Passes to Total Confusion Game Convention February 21 - 24
by writing a random encounter with A Band of Orcs

In February of ’08 yours unruly, Gruesom Grimp, and the death metal sensations A Band of Orcs are co-sponsoring the Total Confusion gaming convention in Mansfield, Massachusetts.

FEBRUARY 21-24, 2008
HOLIDAY INN
31 Hampshire St.
Mansfield, MA 02048
508-339-2200

The Contest

Here’s the way in which you must appease your Grimperor in order to win free passes to Total Confusion. 

 You Encounter…

…A Band of Orcs.

That’s right.  Write a short d20 encounter featuring A Band of Orcs.  Your encounter must feature a war band of orcs of your creation.  But you must feature such a group of orcs worthy of our attention and praise.

I leave most of the details to you. The encounter and challenge levels can be whatever strikes your fancy.  Your encounter must contain
(1) stats and a brief description of the orcs--in a way that glorifies the orcs’ savageness, ferocity and strength, if you know what’s good for you;

(2) a pet of some kind (e.g., wolves that the orcs ride or giant centipedes or whatever); and

(3) an overlord who acts as the brains of the operation (much like yours unruly, or a wizard, or something!). 

Do NOT use A Band of Orcs the death metal band in your submission, as the characters and images associated with those ugly mugs must remain the copyright and trademark of Grimpire Entertainment and A Band of Orcs.

Your encounter should be 3 – 6 pages. 

I don’t want an entire adventure scenario.  The encounter should be able to run in one session, and it should be detailed enough that a GM can run it without much tweaking, but not so detailed that he/she can’t adapt it to the adventure at hand.

Find out more details on the official Challenge page!

Communication is hard.  Sometimes you're sure you've explained a thing, and your listeners are nodding along and you think:  "Yes!  The problem of making minds meet has once again been defeated!"
    Then you find out that your extremely lucid explanation of "stocking stuffer" has been translated by the Orcish mind into "stalking stuffer."  And that the enthusiastic Band, determined to wrest holiday joys from the arms of whoever's holding it, is on its marauding way to the mall.
    The Orcs like living gifts, and what could be a better stuffer to stalk than a miniature pinscher, or a Chihuahua, ...<< MORE >>

A half-rotting orc zombie may not have been the best choice of partners for
an inter-dimensional acid trip, but what could I do?  I had just taken the
first hit from that sheet the orcs never found in my jacket pocket, when the
Grimp announced that I'd need to accompany Hulg on a cattle run to get meat
for the band and leather for their armor.

Hulg Elfripper is one UGLY motherfucker, even for an orc.  He was an
unsightly bastard before he swung his battle axe into Filthgrinder's Mesa
Boogie and electrocuted himself to bits.  I don't even ...

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