Hulg's Ghost

by Helen the Hellion

    Jed says this dungeon is haunted.

I think he's being ridiculous.  This has got to be
the world's youngest

dungeon.  The Orcish slaves built it, what, in
November?  In nice, sunny

August?  The mortar is barely dry!  There are a
grand total of two cobweb

spiders here, and I think one ate the other one last
night.  One evil

creature is permanently asleep.  The Chihuahua
counts as evil, but its

original name was probably Tulip Twinkletoes.

    Oh yeah, I'm so afraid I can barely stand to ...<< MORE >>

There was fire and blood and lies, all lies.
    I expect by now the Grimp has told you all some doom and gloom story about how we the slaves all uprose nor spake nor moved our eyes (extra credit to whoever gets that quote!), and how it took dread measures to suppress us.  The Grimp, allow me to remind you, is just a touch prone to exaggeration.  Just a little little bit.  Just enough to turn a bunch of summoned ethereal wraiths and a few dozen mirages into a full-scale slave rebellion.  Did he tell you about the other Orcish ...

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They named me Minion 13. I really don’t have any memory of how I got here or who I am for that matter. I remember waking up on the ground with a circle of monsters looking down at me and laughing. They were dressed in bloodstained armor from head to toe and their faces looked like something from a nightmare.  As one of the monsters, a fierce looking thing with war paint crudely smeared across his face, reached down towards me, I started to slip from consciousness once again. As my vision darkened, I heard one whisper a word that ...

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I've just opened up a Snocap music store for the oRcs. You can help A Band of Orcs spread the word about the coming Domination, by embedding this store and player in your own webpage or social networking profile!

        

Hey Inchoates,

Here's the latest Skull Counts, a round up of tnews and rumors from oRc ToweR for January 2008.

Confirmed! A Band of Orcs Co-Sponsor the Total Confusion Game Convention, February 21 -21, 2008

The Contest entries are in and we'll be summoning the Dead Gamers' Club to run your submissions to determine which lucky geek wins Free Passes and oRc Merchandise in February.  Also, if you plan on attending, you'll have a chance to win the "WarChiefs of the Apocalypse" CD as a prize and pick up a free "We're Not Misunderstood, We're Evil" bumper sticker.  You can check ...<< MORE >>

The Problem with oRcs and Photography

by Helen the Hellion

We haven't yet found a way to calm the Orcs down about photography. 
We've drawn diagrams, and explained things logically,  magically, and
irrationally, and still the Orcs are convinced that flash photography means a wizard is blasting them with lightning bolts.  We're down four
photographers already, smashed at the point of image-capture into what
looks like cyborg experiments gone horribly wrong.  This last one had
bits of camera sticking out of him like the most elaborate
shrapnel-art.  The first and second ones looked like Jackson Pollack
paintings, and I've never much cared for Pollack. 

So ...<< MORE >>

Hulg Re:Animated

by Helen the Hellion
A Metal Transmission from oRc ToweR

"It's alive!

"It's A-Liiiive!"

I've been yelling this a
lot lately.  Twelve times in the last two days, in fact.  See, the
Grimp finally decided that having Hulg die every few minutes was
cramping the Band's overall style.  Death is great for interludes and
dramatic pauses, but as a random occurrence it's more of an irritation
than an inspiration.

So Grimp found a whole range of necromancers, and set me and Jed up in cages to watch the proceedings.

It appears we're here representing the forces of evil:  Grimp threatened to feed the failing necromancers ...<< MORE >>