Metal Transmissions from Orc TowerThe oRc Tower Innards--Gruesom Grimp's personal account of all the gory details of A Band of Orcs
Metal Transmissions from Orc Tower

Dr. Hellion Reviews Judas Priest at Priest Feast at Wembley Stadium, London, Feb 21. 2009

Well, Inchoates, we have let quite some amount of time as you humans reckon it slip by since we've written a concert review.  Not that the inhabitants of oRc ToweR haven't attended any--we've attended tons, including Iron Maiden 4 times last year, Amon Amarth, Metal Masters, etc.  We've just kept ourselves busy laying plans for the inevitable Domination.  Well, and, uh...okay, I'm forced to admit that one of our concert reviewers and slaves of oRc ToweR, Dr. Hellion (You recall, the lass I kidnapped and made her become a music journalist for reviewing the oRcs in concert), uh-hem, actually she ...<< MORE >>

Raiding Report 1: ArnoCorps, A Band of Orcs, Stellar Corpses, the Back Up Razor, Teraton and Tater Famine at the Creeps 5th Anniversary Party, October 18, 2008

Greetings Inchoates,


 



Gruesom Grimp, here, with a
report from the front lines of A Band of Orcs first show among humans.


 



First off, the battle terrain
favored the brutal aural onslaught the humans gathered at the Felton Asylum came
to witness with three giant stone columns in the back-ground and an appropriate
hill-fort stage on which the major ear-raids were to take place.  Our legions prepared ...<< MORE >>

Skull Counts--News and Rumors for July 2008

Here's what A
Band of Orcs has in the works preparing for the invasion and Domination
of this puny hurman realm.

  • Convention Appearances? Inchoates, we're presently working with Mountain Con
    to kick off the invasion and Domination in Salt Lake City, Utah on September 19 - 21.  Mountain Con is a non-profit Science Fiction/Fantasy Convention that bills itself as "a celebration of fandom."   They have begun assembling the cabal of lords and ladies of their realm to come up with the gold to pay the oRcs to pillage their puny convention.   Should the deal go through, this will constitute the ...<< MORE >>

Hulg's Ghost

Hulg's Ghost



by Helen the Hellion



    Jed says this dungeon is haunted.



I think he's being ridiculous.  This has got to be
the world's youngest



dungeon.  The Orcish slaves built it, what, in
November?  In nice, sunny



August?  The mortar is barely dry!  There are a
grand total of two cobweb



spiders here, and I think one ate the other one last
night.  One evil



creature is permanently asleep.  The Chihuahua
counts as evil, but its



original name was probably Tulip Twinkletoes.




    Oh yeah, I'm so afraid I can barely stand to ...<< MORE >>

The Slave Rebellion! First hand account from Helen the Hellion

There was fire and blood and lies, all lies.
    I expect by now the Grimp has told you all some doom and gloom story about how we the slaves all uprose nor spake nor moved our eyes (extra credit to whoever gets that quote!), and how it took dread measures to suppress us.  The Grimp, allow me to remind you, is just a touch prone to exaggeration.  Just a little little bit.  Just enough to turn a bunch of summoned ethereal wraiths and a few dozen mirages into a full-scale slave rebellion.  Did he tell you about the other Orcish ...

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Who the hell is Minion 13?

They named me Minion 13. I really don’t have any memory of how I got here or who I am for that matter. I remember waking up on the ground with a circle of monsters looking down at me and laughing. They were dressed in bloodstained armor from head to toe and their faces looked like something from a nightmare.  As one of the monsters, a fierce looking thing with war paint crudely smeared across his face, reached down towards me, I started to slip from consciousness once again. As my vision darkened, I heard one whisper a word that ...

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Another place to get oRc Music

I've just opened up a Snocap music store for the oRcs. You can help A Band of Orcs spread the word about the coming Domination, by embedding this store and player in your own webpage or social networking profile!

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Skull Counts--News and Rumors for January 23, 2008

Hey Inchoates,

Here's the latest Skull Counts, a round up of tnews and rumors from oRc ToweR for January 2008.

Confirmed! A Band of Orcs Co-Sponsor the Total Confusion Game Convention, February 21 -21, 2008

The Contest entries are in and we'll be summoning the Dead Gamers' Club to run your submissions to determine which lucky geek wins Free Passes and oRc Merchandise in February.  Also, if you plan on attending, you'll have a chance to win the "WarChiefs of the Apocalypse" CD as a prize and pick up a free "We're Not Misunderstood, We're Evil" bumper sticker.  You can check ...<< MORE >>

The Problem with oRcs and Photography

The Problem with oRcs and Photography

by Helen the Hellion

We haven't yet found a way to calm the Orcs down about photography. 
We've drawn diagrams, and explained things logically,  magically, and
irrationally, and still the Orcs are convinced that flash photography means a wizard is blasting them with lightning bolts.  We're down four
photographers already, smashed at the point of image-capture into what
looks like cyborg experiments gone horribly wrong.  This last one had
bits of camera sticking out of him like the most elaborate
shrapnel-art.  The first and second ones looked like Jackson Pollack
paintings, and I've never much cared for Pollack. 

So ...<< MORE >>

Hulg Re:Animated

Hulg Re:Animated

by Helen the Hellion
A Metal Transmission from oRc ToweR

"It's alive!

"It's A-Liiiive!"

I've been yelling this a
lot lately.  Twelve times in the last two days, in fact.  See, the
Grimp finally decided that having Hulg die every few minutes was
cramping the Band's overall style.  Death is great for interludes and
dramatic pauses, but as a random occurrence it's more of an irritation
than an inspiration.

So Grimp found a whole range of necromancers, and set me and Jed up in cages to watch the proceedings.

It appears we're here representing the forces of evil:  Grimp threatened to feed the failing necromancers ...<< MORE >>